Smart Couples and Emotions

Our emotional life runs alongside us in everything we do.  Even if we can't identify what the emotion is  ("I don't know how I feel!") it is still something being felt. 

When (if) we are allowed to freely express our thoughts and ideas, expectations and goals, they will always be accompanied by an emotion.

Learning to identify what emotions are being experiences allows the smart person  smartcouple to experience life to the full.

Hers are some words that describe feelings, broken into the four major areas: Happiness, Fear, Sadness and Anger.

Happiness: joyful, cheerful, contented, optimistic, ecstatic, excited, stimulated, calm,  free, vivacious, exhilarated.

Fear: panic, insecure, worried, frustrated, concern, anxious, jittery, stressed, dismayed, apprehensive, suspicious.

Sadness: depressed, bleak, dejected, down, hopelessness, sorrowful, despondent, miserable, moody, low, anguished.

Anger: resentful, impatient, aggressive, furious, outraged, peeved, passionate, irritable, violent, hateful, indignant.

These are just a few examples of the major emotions you might feel... and there are many more: try ignoring guilt and shame to name another two.

When our partner or friends or someone in our family is telling us things, pay attention to the underlying, between-the-lines meanings.  This is the hidden gold of our relationships.  When people get that you "get" them they will be friends for ever.  When you know your friends understand what you really mean you will want to be friends with them forever.

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Speaking your mind; Telling people what you want/feel

You job is to be as clear as you can when you are expressing yourself.  Telling people what you are feeling is far harder than telling what you think. 

When we can say what we really want to say, when we feel open to being vulnerable, our friends, family and partner usually understand are they are usually empathic and helpful.

In order for you to be able to speak freely you will have to know what you are feeling, what your emotional connection with the current event is to the old event, feeling, frustration or disappointment.

Socrates 469-399 BCE) implored us to never stop searching...Sometimes the mere act of asking a question is enough to begin understanding. This is what Socrates was referring to with — An unexamined life is not worth living!.  I think Socrates was saying —   Top

What is that feeling?

One problem with emotions is that often we know we are experiencing something but we don't know what it is.  This is sometimes the result of old feelings swamping current issues or being angry but not knowing what the anger is about.  Could it be something that happened yours ago and is lying somewhere within you as resentment.  Losing a pet (being sad) at an early age and nobody understanding how you felt may be experienced today as anger when you feel sad or betrayed.

Realising that our emotions are sometimes not as easily identified as we might think can be a frustration... for ourselves and and our friends, family and partner.

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He's a pain in the neck

If it is true that our emotions are trapped in our body, maybe it is not just the back-breaking work you are doing that is causing the muscle aches and pains.  Maybe it is a frustration or unresolved issue that causes those pains.

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Happiness, Love and Sex

Happiness, love and sex are not to be demanded. Once you impose conditions on your happiness you will be forever haunted by the should, must, got-to, of relationships.  It is inevitable your expectations will fall short of the reality of your situation.

Love is a fickle mistress.  Successful love relationships always look at "love" from the side, at a glance, fleeting touches of ecstasy make love the most talked about subject in the universe.  Almost every film, book, song, opera, painting is about humankind's quest for understanding and love.

 

On this page
Speaking your mind
What is that feeling

Whatever sexuality, what ever age relationships can be improved with dedicated attention.

When you are willing to listen and learn you can be better with your partner immediately. Keep in mind that what and how people say things often betrays how they are feeling. Ask yourself, what is the emotional content.

Sit facing your partner and listen to what he or she says. 

Feedback to them what you heard.

Let them correct you if you get it wrong.

Let your partner know you are listening by attending to their ideas, thoughts, feeling and actions.